On Wednesday, several teams gathered for a day in Edinburgh with the senior leadership at the charity where I work. For a colleague and me, this meant taking an early bus for more than 2.5 hours, followed by a taxi ride from the city center to the venue to arrive on time.
The trip back resulted in me arriving home 13 hours after departure. On Thursday, I felt quite off I managed to stay composed while interacting with those I support, but I had little energy for myself. A key takeaway is to keep my schedule light the day after any major team events in the future.
The Aftermath
However, a more important lesson emerged for me.
I realized it on Friday. Since I work part-time for the charity, Friday is a day off except for my private practice. Regardless, I relaxed in the morning and then took the dogs for a lengthy walk in the fresh air as I knew I needed to focus on self care.
I took this time to reflect on the taxi journey.
Throughout the entire journey, the black cab driver launched into an extended rant. I'm not sure what triggered it. Essentially, he was portraying individuals with drug or alcohol addictions as making lifestyle choices. He claimed they received substantial benefit money and support while being unable to hold a job. Meanwhile, hardworking people like him face struggles
I remember my colleague responding to the driver and sometimes tapping my foot with hers trying to get my attention. I wondered why she even engaged in conversation with him.
I wish I had confronted the driver at the end of the journey and supported my colleague. On Friday, I thought about why I behaved this way
.
Eventually, it all made sense.
I was in a confined space at the mercy of a man who was ranting and becoming increasingly loud. His driving felt somewhat unpredictable, and I often held on to a handle as he avoided other vehicles and took corners.
I did not feel safe on many levels.
I now realize that I entered a freeze response. This is my default reaction when I feel unsafe. I often don’t speak. I can’t speak.
Paralyzed by Fear
This pattern has existed for as long as I can recall. For much of my life, I was unaware of it. However, through different training courses and self-directed learning as a therapist, I have gained an understanding of my freeze response as part of my autonomic nervous system when becomes dysregulated.
Part of me consciously decided not to interact with this man, but because I didn't feel secure in an unfamiliar city, and was at the mercy of an angry-sounding stranger, my autonomic nervous system froze. I could not fight; I could not run.
All I wanted was to leave that taxi. As soon as we got there, I hurried into the venue, concentrating on arranging a cup of tea and finding the toilets. I simply needed to feel secure again. And breathe….
However, after a demanding day and a lengthy trip back home, coupled with a busy schedule the following day, I experienced a persistent dull headache throughout Thursday and felt dehydrated. I was quite drained.
Restoring Balance
I realized I needed to restore my energy. The only moments I felt more like myself were when I could set aside my own concerns and concentrate on someone else.
Taking a break and going for a long walk with the dogs in the fresh air on Friday greatly benefited me. I contacted my colleague, who mentioned that she had also been having a tough time since Wednesday. We were able to provide each other with understanding and kindness.
Options for Recalibrating the Nervous System
Had I not felt that I returned to equilibrium, I could have selected from various options to reset my autonomic nervous system.
The three options I am most inclined to consider are:
• Utilizing the three primal moves from the Self Soothing sessions I have been developing.
• Scheduling a professional massage, specifically a Trauma Discharge Massage.
• Employing QEC, either on my own or with the assistance of another QEC Practitioner.
In contrast to cognitive talking therapies or the use of medications (whether through pharmaceutical drugs or self-medication with street drugs or alcohol), the options mentioned above directly engage and recalibrate the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for initiating the fight/flight/freeze responses within our subconscious brain.
The Importance of Addressing Root Causes
Our subconscious harbors deeply ingrained limiting beliefs and unresolved trauma. For instance, we might convince ourselves that caterpillars are harmless, yet seeing one might still invoke fear due to a childhood incident of being stung (a true story!). The subconscious mind can override our logical thoughts until we address and heal the emotional wound caused by the unhealed trauma of the experience.
True, lasting healing occurs only when the root cause is addressed. Cognitive therapies might show temporary improvement, but there's a risk of relapse if the autonomic nervous system later detects a trigger. Additionally, treating symptoms with medication does not tackle the underlying cause.
Addiction: A Misunderstood Struggle
Individuals addicted to drugs or alcohol often began by using cannabis or alcohol to temporarily escape their distress. Their dysregulated autonomic nervous system depends on these substances to feel 'safe,' making life intolerable without them. If the underlying pain isn't addressed and they aren't helped to regulate their autonomic nervous system, the need for self-medication persists, leading to addiction.
I should also remind you that addiction isn't limited to drugs or alcohol. It encompasses any behaviour that provides temporary relief or pleasure but leads to unintended harm, yet the individual feels unable to cease.
No one would choose this path if they had alternatives. Addiction is NOT a lifestyle choice.
This is what I wish I could have explained to that taxi driver.
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